I was so focused on my own pain, to numb to even notice it. I couldn't see it or even hear it speaking to me. Until one day I got a call from my sister, and after that conversation, every where I went I would literally see the word "JOY". It was written on the doors of our church, on packages, on walls, signs, in my devotions and in song lyrics. Most of all I kept feeling the Lord impress it upon me through a bible verse taken from Psalms 30:5
"For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." NASB
It wasn't that God was angry with me, I understand HE absolutely adores and loves me. But the history of weeping and grieving wasn't just for one night. So. . . I am looking forward to this New Year and the changes that need to take place in my life! Yes - I am so stuck and I know it. I am so tired of living in a world of pain (emotional, mental, physical, spiritual). There is a lot of history of loss, pain, rejection, etc. but the time of weeping, numbing, isolation has to stop in order for me to be able to experience JOY in my life or even have a life.
I totally understand that this process is not going to be pain-free or even easy or that I'm going to be floating around in this "JOY BUBBLE" - would be nice though - LOL Nope, there is going to be some REAL hard work involved, some GIANTS that need to have their heads chopped off and a huge part of that is going to be making myself vulnerable again to feel the pain (this part is so scary for me). Facing the fear of rejection, guilt of not being good enough or productive enough, the shame of feeling worthless, devaluing the things I do. . .
My sincere desire is to walk in a lifetime of freedom, God's favour, peace and JOY. So I choose to face each and every day with an attitude of gratitude and a shout of joy, whether I feel like it or not!